Even though I’m not much of a fan of Mr. O’Reilley, I found the headline fitting. Since people here are getting tired of me complaining about all the things that are backwards with how German people do things and since I still feel the desperate urge to lament about them anyway, I’ve decided to start a new series on this wonderful journal about such things. Today’s part number one.
The German Shopping Experience or Do You Have A Euro?
Earlier this morning, I went to a local grocery store called “Lidl” (the name doesn’t have any special meaning in German so I have no clue why it’s called that; it’s pronounced like “beatle”, just with an L at the beginning). Now, to give this establishment proper justice please indulge me in a little tour. Upon arrival at Lidl, one naturally goes for the shopping carts. There they are, all neatly arranged in several long lines, like one would expect of Germans. Upon closer examination, however, you will notice that they are all chained together. “Interesting”, you might say. As it turns out, to get one of those cards for your own shopping experience, you have to take a €1 coin and stick it in the little lock thingy so it frees itself from the other carts.
This now may prove to be quite a conundrum if you don’t happen to have one of those coins on you. If you have any cash at all, you can go to one of the cashiers and ask them for a €1 coin. The problem is that there’s usually at most one or two registers open and they can’t open the cash drawer unless somebody’s paying that very moment. Furthermore, if the customer’s not paying in cash they can’t give you change either. So, in this lucky case you get to stand behind the register until a customer comes by whose paying in change or bills and not one of those new-fangled debit cards. This may take a while so have a seat.
Alternatively, if you are so unlucky as to not have any money with you at all, you will gladly go to the next ATM to pull out a twenty which you then have to exchange for a bunch of change at the register, after duly waiting of course. Isn’t Germany charming?
But, let’s assume you make it through all this and get a cart of your own. The next step would be to actually enter the store. What you will notice is that there’s exactly one entrance for such purposes. It’s guarded by two turnstiles directly following each other. The cart goes through a little “tunnel” on your left through which you have to push it yourself. So you basically push it into the tunnel a little with your left hand, then go through the first turnstile, pull the cart and push it a little further, go through the second turnstile, and in you are. That was easy, wasn’t it? You will most likely look like a complete klutz. On the other hand, it’s helpful in this case to notice that everybody else looks similarly inept.
So, now you’re in. Oh the glory of the offered products. On the left, cartons and cartons of drinks of the utmost quality, to the right only the best of best underwear and socks. It’s a true shopper’s delight. In reality, of course, it’s not really like that. Well, actually, it’s a whole lot like that, you’re really greeted by cardboard boxes filled with drink cartons and racks filled with socks and underwear. Just the rest was a lie. Truth is, it’s a bit claustrophobic in there, the selection is somewhat slim, store workers will rather clumsily add or replace merchandise including groceries as you shop, and almost everything remains in cardboard boxes. In other words, shelves are a luxury. On the other hand, prices are hard to beat. The liter of milk goes for €0.49 (that would be about $2.41 for the gallon, compare that to $3.98 on average in the US). Other groceries are similarly low-priced.
Once you’ve found everything you’ve been looking for, you will undoubtedly make your way to the register. As I said earlier, there are rarely more than two registers open at a time. Average waiting times of 15 minutes or longer aren’t unusual at all. As your line moves along, you should make sure to gauge how many bags you will need and take the appropriate number from the pile-o-bags under the conveyor belt. It’s important to think about this now because if you do it later, you will inconvenience another German who will most likely throw some insults at you as he hands you your bags. As one would expect, the bags aren’t free (usually between €0.05 and €0.09). On the other hand, they’re very durable so they can be reused (I will devote a whole other post on the German obsession with recycling).
Once you have your bags and there’s enough space one the conveyor belt, you place your items on them. The cashier will scan them and put them aside. If you bought a lot, you should be rather quick at this point and take the items after they’ve been scanned and place them back in your shopping cart. The cashiers are pretty quick at scanning so if you aren’t quick in removing items, there’ll be a backlog and everything will come to a standstill until you’ve done your part. Note also that this is not the appropriate time to start bagging your groceries because you don’t really have time for that. Plus you haven’t paid for your bags yet, which most likely you have placed at the end of the conveyor belt, so you can’t really use them yet, now can you? Right? Right. Anyway, after the cashier’s done scanning, he’ll tell you the total, you pay with cash or debit card using your PIN and off you can go. Naturally, there’s no cashback option, for that there are ATMs after all.
Once you leave the area of registers, you’ll notice a set of tables where other German will be busy bagging their items. You should follow their example. One curious activity that many German customers indulge in at this moment is removing the packaging of their groceries. Like, if they bought a box of cereal, they will take the bag out of the carton and dispose of the carton right there. For this purpose, all supermarkets are required by law (!) to offer big trash cans where such packaging material can be placed. The main reason why people would even conceive of doing this is related to the fact that most Germans don’t have cars or, if they have them, they don’t take them to the supermarket (there aren’t usually any parking spots anyway). So, by throwing away the bulky boxes, things fit better into the shopping bags making carrying them easier too. It’s a whole science.
Anyway, once you’ve bagged your groceries, you will then take your shopping cart to one of the cart lines so you can get your €1 coin back. This may again test your body coordination because you have to navigate your shopping bags and the shopping cart at the same time (you can’t keep the bags in the cart since the cart is about to be pushed under the other carts). If the €1 isn’t worth it to you, of course, you can just leave the cart alone where it is and go home.
